Being the Victim

I am enrolled in a Leadership course and one of the exercises that was introduced during class this week seemed to appeal to me as another tool toward overcoming emotional eating.

The exercise is about identifying and acknowledging how we often react as victims. Below is a simple of example of how one may react as a victim.

For example, when I get stressed out at work I might look at the situation in this manner.

1. What happened to you? I am stressed out because we are behind schedule. The developers didn’t fix any of the problems we found and now we’re going to miss the deadline.

2. Who wronged you? The other team. They didn’t deliver a good product, so now my team can’t complete test.

3. How did they hurt you? They put a lot of additional stress on the team and on me. I overeat when I’m stressed and now my self esteem has gone down.

4. What punishment do they deserve? They should have to work nights and weekends until its fixed. They should have to explain why we are behind schedule and take the heat from the boss.

I felt very victimized and viewed the situation as beyond my control. I didn’t take responsibility for my own reaction to the situation and certainly didn’t contribute to the solution.

Now, lets take a look at what it would mean to take a creative approach.

1. What challenge did you face? I face the challenge of meeting schedule deadlines and resolving unexpected problems.

2. How did you respond? I responded by coming up with excuses and placing blame elsewhere. I also stressed out and sought food for comfort.

3. What are the consequences of your actions? It creates barriers between the teams and adds tension. Also, I engaged in unhealthy behaviors that make me feel guilty, disgusted, and hopeless.

4. Could you have done something more effective? Yes, I could’ve kept the line of communication open between the teams and as soon as the problems began to arise we should have had a brainstorming session to come up with recovery options. I also, could have gone for a mini-walk, drank some hot team, did some breathing exercises, or journaled to break the stress and regroup.

5. Could you do something now? I still have the chance to do the things I listed above. Its not over yet. I just have to take a more humbled approach and show that I’m serious about working together.

6. What lesson can you take from this experience? Playing the victim is a defensive and often destructive behavior that doesn’t offer many options for change or growth. It creates more stress in the long run.

It may seem simple, but I’m going to post the creative approach questions next to my desk at work as a reminder of how to better approach stressful situation. I hope this will help me change the way I think and ultimately reduce my stress level. My primary reasons for emotional eating are stress as it relates to work.

Has anyone else tried a method similar to the one I just described?

P.S. I apologize for only being able to blog once a week. I had hoped to blog at least twice a week, but my work schedule is just out of control right now.